Personal Health

Was older but not the girl that I found appealing: Thomas talks about his life as a Hebephiler

Thomas G. hebephil – he feels sexually attracted to girls between 11 and 14 years. That’s why he’s in therapy: voluntary. FOCUS Online spoke with him and his therapist. On child pornography, destructive thoughts and the difficult desire to have my own family.

Smooth skin with first pubic hair, budding Breasts, narrow hips, hardly any female curves: power, Thomas G.. The 45-Year-old finds a girl in puberty erotic. He is hebephil.

That he is different, he knows since he was early 20’s. In his Childhood Thomas G. Friends of the same age. “By the time I realized that I was older, but not the girl that I found appealing,” he says.

He watched porn, drank alcohol, was ashamed of

The emotions unsettled him. Yet, he led a multi-year relationship with a young, full-year woman. But the older she got, the less interest he had in her. They ended the relationship.

Thomas G. was ashamed. He hated himself. Through the nights, satisfied, while he children porn reinzog. That made him ready. “Especially the thing with the porn,” he says. Then he drank alcohol. And looked at even more Sexstreifen with children. Condemned by itself.

Professionally, it ran well. During the work he found distraction from your own thoughts. What awaited him, if the longing returned at nightfall. A downward spiral with no Escape.

Pedophilia and Hebephilia

Thomas G. suffers from Hebephilia. Affected persons, as he, feel sexually of children and young people whose physical development characteristics of puberty. You will find a slight pubic hair, significant chest approaches and axillary hair, which are emerging slowly, appealing.

Pedophiles to attract children with a prepubescent physique. In General, the objects of your desire are not older than 11 years old.

“Children are to be protected in the highest degree value”

To forget what must not be remained, only the escape into your own world. Sexually and relationship-wise, it just stayed in a worm house.

For Thomas G. was and is clear: He could do that to any child. “Especially in the personal contact with a pubescent girl to me is always clear that there are still children,” says the Hebephilia. “For me, even if it may sound for many of the Non-Affected determined inconceivable that children in the very highest degree of protection.”

With the years of loneliness came. No one knew what a burden he bore. No one with whom he could talk. To great is his fear of social Ostracism was that the friends of today the enemies of tomorrow. The unfulfilled longing for a partnership to spread in him.

After the therapy beginning, the police stood in front of the door

Thomas G. knew he needed help. He went into treatment. On a voluntary basis. A prevention network in Ulm, Germany, group therapy for people with paedophilia and Hebephilia. Three years ago, that was. Shortly after the start of therapy, police searched his house and found child porn. A procedure was followed. Thomas G. got a fine.

He had to continue the treatment. For his own protection and for the protection of all. Because there are a Hebephile, where porn is no longer rich at some point. You will want more. Real sexual acts with children.

"A prejudice helps no one, but only schadet"

Elisabeth Quendler is the coordinator of the prevention network “don’t offend” the University hospital of Ulm. Previously, she was a kindergarten teacher. She had become contact to child victims of sexual abuse.

Today, she is a psychotherapist, is in contact with the perpetrators. Or pedophile or Hebephilen, which could be a perpetrator. And it not want. People like Thomas G.

In an interview Quendler makes it clear first of all: To be the wrong sexual Assaults on minors, mostly with pedophilia. “If someone goes to a child, can also be personality disorders, conflict, incapacity or other circumstances to blame. Not every sex offender is a pedophile or hebephil. Also, if the media suggest this image often. This is a dangerous simplification of the Situation at the expense of the person Concerned. A prejudice doesn’t help anyone, but only harm.“

Quendler says: “A third of the charges of child abuse, a convicted sex offender is a pedophile. About two-thirds are not.“

Why is a grown man on the kids?

It is estimated that one percent of the men in Germany are a pedophile. But why is a grown man on the kids? Some theories suggest that these people are certain steps in the development of Childhood were not completed.

An approach that has been confirmed in Elisabeth Quendlers work is often: “many of my patients certain events, which happened in the early childhood age are dangers, and repeat again and again.”

To definitively answer the question as to the causes of pedophilia and Hebephilia are not. The practice shows that who is the children that will do the most likely, forever.

Quendler says: “it would be like if a heterosexual person would have to suddenly develop feelings for their own gender, or a homosexual is forced sexual man, to feel Lust for a woman.”

"Many of my patients tell me of bad experiences with Therapeuten"

With the therapy of sexual Assaults on minors and the use of child porn should be prevented. The motto is: to Intervene before it is too late.

The one who seeks help, gets you here. Without Prejudice. Only requirement: The person Concerned must take the first step and itself to the network. So, how is it done Thomas G. has.

This prejudice-free treatment is not, of course. “Many of my patients tell me of bad experiences with therapists. Of course, the are only human and, accordingly, is not unbiased. Many simply do not want to work together with pedophiles or Hebephilen.“

Quendler says: “There are studies that prove that therapists have the same opinion about pedophile and Hebephile as the General population.”

Hebephile experience themselves as "unwert" or "Monster"

The Childhood of Thomas G. was difficult, marked by violence and fear. Emotions, which ultimately resulted in a feeling of confusion, not to arrange to it such as an oversized shaft.

Thomas G.: “I haven’t been able to feel clearly, to determine the feelings or to deal with it.” In the summer of 2015, he was at the end. This is not uncommon in people who find children arousing.

“Some of our patients have at least one suicide attempt, as they see themselves as “unworthy”, “dangerous” or as a “Monster”. You think you’re doing yourself and the world with his own death a Favor,“ says Elisabeth Quendler. The 45-Year-old has decided on a different course.

Tremendous fear of contact

When he began therapy, he had no concrete image of what would happen to him. Only the hope that people will help him, as always.

The first contact was enormous fear, the idea to tell the others of his inclination, it is almost unimaginable for him. “This is a big hurdle gave me the contact for a long time is impossible,” he says. But Thomas G. has done it.

"What is important is the self-esteem to steigern&quot, ;

Elisabeth Quendler explains how the therapy runs out: “it is Important to increase the self-esteem to know that, even as a pedophile or Hebephiler something of value. In essence, it is about the sexual preference to accept, live with it and check to learn,“ explains Quendler.

Then, the focus is not on sexuality.“ Therefore, working in therapy including alternative behavior, the long-term satisfaction.

An Alternative to the porn is needed

Who uses self-pacification again and again, child porn, your brain automatically, at the sight of naked Minors on Sex to be aroused.

The orgasm strengthens the positive feeling in addition. An Alternative must be found. Otherwise there is the risk, after a bad day or an unpleasant experience, to porn, to get down, to feel “better”.

Quendler says: “in the past, for example, illustrations in the Catalogue or at the time legally available nudist booklet as a Masturbation template. Today, the Internet is – whether the Darknet, Youtube, or Facebook – most of the source of such pictures and movies.“

"For the first Time, I feel like a normal Mensch"

Thomas G. got away from the porn. Instead, he now meets in the evening with friends, playing Badminton, or holds the pressure. The main thing is not to fall back into the old patterns of behavior, not in the downward spiral. “For the first Time in my life I feel like a “normal person”, he says proudly. When the desire comes, it can handle different now. Also, because he has to classify learned his feelings properly.

Earlier anger for him was not recognizable as such, but only an unpleasant tension, he did not understand, could not assign. Today, he knows the feeling and can react accordingly. Of course, this is only a part of the therapy, a puzzle piece of the great Whole of life without children porn.

Anyone who has reason to believe that a pedophilia or Hebephilia, can find help here:

"The angle of inclination is at me never verschwinden"

“For me, the tendency is so deep-rooted that it will never disappear”, as Thomas G. is sure. That his sexual preference by using the therapy, which he attended, still, one day, to the extent to lose importance, that it accounts for only a small part of his life, he can imagine but good.

“My greatest desire is to have a family of my own,” he says.

Not impossible, to know Elisabeth Quendler: “I remember one patient – a academics to the 60-year-old – could life therapy with his pedophilia, while not happy, but criminal. Today, he leads a relationship with a same age man.“

A Chance of a partnership?

Thomas G., he stated in therapy, is not exclusively hebephil. It is for him even the Chance to experience a day of erotica with an adult woman, to satisfy his longing for a partnership.

Until then, have a long way still in front of the 45-Year-old. The Foundation stone for his new life he has laid out. Not least because he had the courage to get help themselves.