Friendships can be complicated. While some fighting is bound to happen between friends, good friends are usually able to work past their issues. What happens if you’re the one causing trouble in a relationship, though? Is it possible that you’re a selfish friend? How can you tell?
According to Bustle, one sign that you’re selfish in a friendship is that you’re doing all the talking and making it all about you. “Oftentimes, toxic relationships can be masked by feigned enthusiasm or a quick ‘I know what you mean…,’ which quickly leads to ‘Oh my gosh, but that’s NOTHING compared to what happened to me yesterday,'” Joshua Waters, a licensed marriage and family therapist said. “Emotionally one-upping your friend can make them feel like you barely listened to them, or that your feelings are more important than theirs.”
A good friendship is well-balanced
Another relationship expert, Carolyn Cole, added that you should look to see how balanced your friendship is when trying to determine if you’re selfish. “Is there an imbalance in it?” she said. “One sign of this is if most of your conversations are focused on you rather than learning more about what’s going on in your friends’ lives.”
Another sign that you’re a selfish friend is being inconsiderate of your friends’ time. “If you’re late a lot, don’t return phone calls, or drop plans with your friend because you’ve been asked on a date, you’re a toxic friend,” Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., told the outlet. “Being inconsiderate shows your friend that they’re not really important to you and that you don’t value them as a person.”
YourTango says that another sign of being a selfish friend is constantly putting your friend down around others.
What should you do if you're a selfish friend?
So you’ve come to the conclusion that you’re a selfish friend. Now what?
The good news is that realizing you’re a selfish friend is the first step to change. Focus on being a better friend and turning things around. Talk to your friends and let them know you’re doing your best to be more supportive and less selfish. Instead of making everything about you all the time, listen to your friends and ask them what kind of support they need from you to help your friendship thrive. Also, be sure to show your friends how much you love and appreciate them — everyone loves to know that they are valued.
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