Picture this: you’ve been dating a dude for a while and you feel like things are going somewhere, but you’re yet to have the always awkward, hive-inducing, ‘exclusivity’ chat. You know there’s a chance he’s seeing other people, but honestly, between your midweek sleepovers, Friday dinner night dates and all-day text marathons it’s highly unlikely…Or is it?
Insert, penny drop.
He’s been two-timing you with someone else this whole damn time. And you, my friend, have just been cookie-jarred.
Courtesy of the ever-expanding list of dating lingo, the term is used to describe when someone keeps you around as a back-up ‘cookie’ in the jar just in case their other, slightly more serious relationship doesn’t work out.
“Cookie-jarring is an insecurity that stems from the desire to feel safe and wanted,” Happn dating expert Eugenie Legendre tells Metro UK. “If you are seeing someone and want to make yourself feel a bit more secure, you soak up the attention from a potential love interest. This can be a problem long term as it can eventually affect all parties involved.”
A telling sign is if he’s blowing hot and cold (i.e. really keen one minute but disappears the next,) and kinda vague whenever the topic of commitment comes up.
“After a few weeks you’ve raised where this is going and if they are seeing anyone else, and despite ‘conversations’ you are still none the wiser as to whether this is exclusive,” explains Eugenie.
Sometimes, the ‘cookie-jarrers’ aren’t aware what they’re actually doing is wrong (you guys weren’t exclusive, after all.) But when you’re the one on the other end of it questioning your single status and not getting any clear-cut answers, it can be pretty disheartening. Especially if you’re a one-man woman and genuinely see yourself ending up with him.
“If you can’t get this answer and are obviously expecting a different type of relationship, then move forward,” Eugenie advises.
You heard the woman.
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